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Guilt Trip

by Nisa

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1.
Ferris Wheel 02:37
I’ve been all around and back Made use of the distance so we could get closer Hard wait for the time to pass Fleeting dreams of the things we’d planned Was it all too much When it came to bear And I gave you space Even when we shared Was I in too deep? Can I take a turn? On the ferris wheel With your emotions Hotel cost a heart attack You knew it was all I had Your absence was an omen But I’m not superstitious Was it all too much When it came to bear And I gave you space Even when we shared Was I in too deep? Can I take a turn? On the ferris wheel With your emotions
2.
Why is it me who has to answer? When we both know this one’s for you I didn’t think about the future Gave up the ghost and what’s the use Not in my phone, still in my pictures Not on the market, still on the mend Did I cross a line when I saw you crying? Your skin went cold I put myself to bed Didn’t you want to talk, a little? Didn’t you want to talk? Didn’t you want to talk, a little? Didn’t you want to talk? It’s alright to be in shock, and struggle It’s alright if you can’t talk Still see your bike on every corner Too many jokes belong to you If I change my hair will this still haunt me? When will it start to feel alright When will it all go down without hurting my neck I can’t pretend that I was what you needed Didn’t you want to talk, a little? Didn’t you want to talk? Didn’t you want to talk, a little? Didn’t you want to talk? It’s alright to be in shock, and struggle It’s alright if you can’t talk Now I see There’s a common denominator Maybe we both can’t Maybe we both can’t speak I guess it was always also me The common denominator
3.
Deep from underwater you see a chance Only seem to surface when there’s a cause or commotion Under different circumstances I’d dance Under the impression I was gonna eat out of your hands But I can’t watch it break It's just not the same I won’t watch it break It's just not the same I can’t stand to see you fold in advance This can’t wear me out when I wore the pants You outgrew that smile you try to flash Saying “where did all the time go, let's go grab drinks, maybe we’ll rekindle” I’m always gonna be on the other side Always gonna see through the guise You can bury this with the other lies Go ahead and see where it takes you Go ahead and try Big fish in a small town thinking you’ll last Nothing's good enough and Soon you’ll be living off the land Rigid disposition Can’t you relax? No shame in being humble What's the big deal if it's not eventful? I’m always gonna be on the other side Always gonna see through the guise You can bury this with the other lies Go ahead and see where it takes you Go ahead and try
4.
Turn Me Down 02:23
Save your worry lines and your Furrowed face for someone who can't tell the difference It's getting late, but you’re my ride Wanna get away, and I need you to act as my witness If we leave the party If we leave Promise me you won’t try to turn around Tempted by the offer We can go sit at the diner If you want, you can turn me down How long should I wait While you make the rounds They all wanna see you out If I matched your pace I’d never meet the ground I’m a tall disgrace For wanting to hide in the crowd If we leave the party If we leave Promise me you won’t try to turn around Tempted by the offer We can go sit at the diner If you want you, can turn me down Turn me down Turn me down Turn me down If you want you can turn around
5.
Drawn Out 03:27
Are you glad I made it out? You got lucky it was only a flesh wound Didn’t feel it 'til I hit the ground So used to wiping up the blood that I spilled for you Hit me where you knew it’d count Places only you could treat if you wanted to There’s no subtle way to shut it down The bruises on my neck tell a thing or two Never really You never held my hand Never really tried Never let me get over it Pour out Pour out Everything you never said I have to listen I guess I have to listen It’s been drawn out Drawn out Think it’s time we pull the thread I have to listen I guess I have to listen Took the liberty of leaving town You were gone before the dread hit that afternoon It's a feeling that I can’t discount Wanted nothing more than someone to fill your shoes Did it all go down the way it sounds? There were days you said that something came over you Saw the darker places you were bound Cast your shadow over me 'til you felt renewed You never really You never held my hand Never really tried Never let me get over it Pour out Pour out Everything you never said I have to listen I guess I have to listen It’s been drawn out Drawn out Think it’s time we pull the thread I have to listen I guess I have to listen
6.
I’ve figured out what’s going on Turns out it’s not incidental I know the way back to the point Where things went south My crooked name On a dotted line If I disappoint you can Change your mind No easy out If we carry on ‘Til we both start To believe it When you’re alone Do you feel relieved? Self-victimized Chronic motif Lay down the law Just to grind your teeth At the steering wheel Take something strong Help you fall asleep Guess you figured out that no talk is cheap Red neon sign For a vacancy So I pull in Now I’m taller than The fence you built To keep me in You look so harmless You’re not as tough As you might think From your vantage You must feel like You hold the key But when I’m standing The table turns So take your seat I’ve narrowed down The warning signs Face to your neck Turn red and lie No other name Can make you stop To catch your breath Fix up the bed I’ll take the couch I’m growing long You start to slouch I catch you then One morning still But I don’t speak Now I’m taller than The fence you built To keep me in You look so harmless You’re not as tough As you might think From your vantage You must feel like You hold the key But when I’m standing The table turns So take your seat Old habits die Don’t wait around The moment’s up The growing’s done You feel yourself On solid ground You’ll live it down Don’t wait around Old habits die Don’t wait around The moment’s up The growing’s done I’m better now On solid ground I’ll live it down Won’t wait around Now I’m taller than The fence you built To keep me in You look so harmless You’re not as tough As you might think From your vantage You must feel like You hold the key But when I’m standing The table turns So take your seat
7.
Jockey 03:57
Pictures I keep hanging around In the journals that are buried deep And even when it seems like I’m angry There’s an overwhelming sense of relief Sixteen was such a poisonous year I don’t remember getting any sleep Went reaching for a rung up the ladder Forward-thinking brought me down my knees Looking for a way out I wanna weigh in With the next division Is it normal that I feel displaced? Is it normal I can’t explain I'm looking for an angle I’m disillusioned with the path I’m leading Will I ever get the chance to change? Is it normal? Is it normal? Just stick with something easy to answer If they ask I’m pulling forty and ten Withstanding the occasional slander I’m about as close you’re gonna get Mistaken my demands for opinions Said the hat was never made for my head Its creeping, as alive as a cancer Better kill it ‘fore you wind up dead Looking for a way out I wanna weigh in With the next division Is it normal that I feel displaced? Is it normal I can’t explain I'm looking for an angle I’m disillusioned with the path I’m leading Will I ever get the chance to change? Is it normal? Is it normal?

about

“Guilt Trip” is an eclectic mix of songs rooted in emotional detachment and reticence, especially surrounding dissolved relationships and a failure to communicate. While each song embodies a different stage of the turbulent and ambiguous journey toward self-acceptance, the tracks are united by a sense of anxiety and the desire for change.

credits

released March 26, 2021

All songs written by Nisa Lumaj
Produced by Torna
Engineered and Mixed by Torna
Mastered by Mike Tierney

Nisa Lumaj: vocals, acoustic guitar, electric guitar, piano
Torna: electric guitar, electric bass, piano, synth, programming
Fritz Ortman: vocals, electric guitar
Nick Cianci: electric guitar
Zac Coe: drums

Recorded at Studio G and Brickbox Studios in Brooklyn, NY.

Cover art by Chase Shewbridge
Cover art features photos by Angela Ricciardi

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